I recently went on a pilgrimage to Udupi and Mookabmbiga from Coimbatore along with my family and thought would share a couple of events that happened during the trip ….
My wife had made a pact with the Devi that she would offer “Ethaphazham” (a kind of plantain available in Kerala) matching my weight if I stay put with my present company for more than a year. When she made this vow I was 75 kgs and now I am 90.
After quick mental arithmetic, I arrived at the conclusion that any further delay would burn a hole in my pocket the way my weight was shooting up.
Also, this being the final week of my daughter’s holidays, would be the only chance to take her out somewhere.
We left Coimbatore by West Coast Express which strangely starts in the East Coast. The fun started as soon as the three of us got into the train, I was talking to the TTE and my wife and daughter had gotten in ahead of me. There was this “hyper guy” in the seat allotted to us. Before my wife and daughter could put their luggage down he wanted to switch berths.
My wife told him tersely that her husband (me!) would come along and he could discuss it. As soon as I arrived on the scene, he went into his marketing pitch trying to wrangle a middle berth from me. I had no qualms and gave in to his request.
My wife took the upper berth (his?) and promptly went into deep slumber. My daughter and I were chatting sitting in the bay. The hyper had by that time put on headphones, opened his laptop, and was making a noisy attempt to draw our attention to the fact that he was working on a laptop. He had also managed to grab the last chicken biryani packet that came our way (I wanted it so badly having missed out dinner).
My daughter managed a peek and informed me that he was playing solitaire on the LT. Not having succeeded in drawing our attention (I suspect it is my daughter’s attention he was interested in), he took drastic measures and addressed me directly.
The conversation went thus…
Him: Are you going to Calicut?
Me: Yes.
Him: I am also going to Calicut
Me: ……..
Him: Which part of Calicut you are going?
Me: To the part where my friend’s house is…. (My daughter was giggling now)
Him: Which area is that? (He did not get the joke)
Me: Puthiyara
Him: I am a software engineer (this was voiced with much stress on “software engineer”)
Me: ……..
Him: Do you know PK Steels?
Me: No
Him: You don’t know PK Steels ????
Me: No (I felt like a cardinal sinner for not knowing PK steels)
Him: They have HO in Calicut and branch in Coimbatore
Me: ……..
Him: I am a software engineer with PK Steels (Much more authoritative now … I was reminded of the “beware of dogs” sign on my neighbor’s gate)
Me: …….
Him: You know this is monsoon season… it will rain heavily in Kerala…. (said with the tone of you shmuck where is your umbrella?)
I was thoroughly pissed off by now and decided to shift to offence…..
Me: How long have you been in Kerala?
Him: Two weeks
Me: And how did you manage to figure out it rains in monsoon season? (My daughter threw me a “here we go again” look)
Him: It always rains in monsoon na?
Me: That was brilliant!
Him: What?
Me: That you came to understand so much in so little time ….
Him: It always rains in monsoon na?
I gave up and went back to staring out of the window ….sulking …..
He gave up and went to sleep……
It should have ended here but God had other plans….
At Shoranur (after Palghat) a family got in and their little girl informed my wife that the berth she was sleeping in (exchanged with the hyper guy) was theirs…. I shot a look at him which said “give me back my berth.”
He refused to accept defeat at the hands of a little girl and grabbed their ticket and matched it with his …. (and said in a puzzled tone) “both tickets look alike.” My daughter had had enough and got in with “yeah, they are all printed at the same place.” He did not get this too and stared moodily at both the tickets.
I suggested that he check for double entry and suddenly his eyes lit up… he said “nothing wrong with the ticket” (we knew that) “something wrong with me” (we knew that too). My age is 26 and my berth is 53 I confused both …
Very rudely, I laughed… God was on my side and I had my revenge. He sulked now and climbed on to his rightful berth. My daughter gave me a disapproving look and we went back to chatting...
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